i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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