just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
