the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
