It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
