Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
