I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
