he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
