life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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