So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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