You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
