You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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