ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
