There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
