I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
