shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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