The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
