Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
