Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
