I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
