I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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