I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
