I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
