i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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