he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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