It's like God shit irony all over that family
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
