NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
