You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Shame - the story of my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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