and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize