My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
