Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
