Already got asked if we're dating
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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