I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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