i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
