I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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