I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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