I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize