just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
