he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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