Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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