I cockslap morals
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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