They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had sex on a roof
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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