ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it's not cheating when I paid for it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
