My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
