I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
