If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
