we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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