Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
