remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
