Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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