dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
