1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
