I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize