I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
