How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
