areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize