There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
