Don't you send me to vm
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
