yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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