She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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