So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
