Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
God, I missed his penis.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
