Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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