It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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