I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
