This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize