I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize